Fears

My next set of tests are scheduled for Friday, 17 April; I mentioned this in an earlier post.

I am terrified.

The MRI is bad enough, what with me being a bit claustrophobic and uncomfortably sensitive to magnetic fields. Not a fun thing to go through.

The bone scan is an unknown quantity for me, although I have been told that it is very unpleasant and rather arduous to go through.

The appointment nurse told me that they normally don’t like to do these tests on the same day, because the patient (that would be me) is usually “completely beaten” when all is done. Yeah…that should be fun. <g>

But I’m mostly afraid of what may be found. My doctor keeps telling me that the chances of this being anything serious are very slim. However, he was honest enough to say that it could be cancer. He then said “don’t worry about it” but that was useless to say. After the word “cancer” nothing he said really registered emotionally.

Yes, I admit that I am worried that I may have some form of cancer. I’m not so much worried about dying, because if there is anything it’s early enough that everything can be treated and taken care of. And that’s actually part of the problem: I’ve seen people go through cancer treatment and I know some small part of what’s involved in it. One friend of mine is a cancer survivor – the doctors told her that she was unlikely to survive, but she did – and she has said that if they ever find cancer in her again she’ll let it kill her rather than go through the treatment again.

I don’t want to go through that. I know I’m a strong person, but I don’t know if I have the strength to put myself through something like that.

Of course, I realize I’m getting ahead of myself and am worrying about something that may never happen.

Posted on August 15th 2007 by James

Filed under General and Whatever | 1 Comment »

One Response to “Fears”

  1. Cyn responded on 27 Aug 2007 at 6:05 pm #

    Fibromyalgia isn’t considered a lethal disease, unless you include the suicide rate. I would have said that I would kill myself before living as I am now, but here I am. I hope it doesn’t come down to that, but it’s nearly impossible to know what you can handle until you’ve done it.

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