Responsibility-phobia? Consequence aversion?

Why have we, as a soci­ety, devel­oped such a rabid fear of fac­ing the con­se­quences of our actions?  Not all indi­vid­u­als are like that, of course, but far too many are!  Every day I hear peo­ple at work (cus­tomer or cowork­ers) who claim that they should not have to face the con­se­quences brought about by what they have cho­sen to do.

Isn’t that some­thing we learned as chil­dren?

Probably not a good thing

I think I am slid­ing into what promises/threatens to be a very deep depres­sion.  I can feel it com­ing and I real­ly don’t know if I have the ener­gy to fight against it.

Samhain is over for another year

Last night the grove had our Samhain obser­vance.  The rit­u­al went very, very well and we had twelve peo­ple attend­ing.  Not a large group real­ly, but not a bad num­ber.  Four of the peo­ple there were new, and I think they’ll be back; they seemed to enjoy the rit­u­al quite a bit.

shakes head in sorrow

I just had some­one here at work ask me who I was going to vote for. They want­ed to know who I could vote for since I’m a “god­less Pagan” and both the can­di­dates – accord­ing to this per­son – want “my kind” removed from the coun­try.

I’m not sure if I should laugh in con­tempt or cry in despair at the stu­pid­i­ty of some peo­ple.


Noth­ing like being stuck at home with an unex­pect­ed sinus con­di­tion to spawn some seri­ous intro­spec­tion.  I have reached an unpleas­ant con­clu­sion about my life:  it bites.  I am real­ly tired of being alone.  I just want to be able to share my life with some­one.  I don’t think that’s too much to ask, you see it all around.  I don’t know why I can’t be one of those peo­ple who has some­one in his life to be there for him and to be there for. 

Of course, much of this self-pity-fest is due to the fact that I get rather pathet­ic and maudlin when I get sick.

DragonCon 2008

I am now off work until next Wednes­day.  This is a very long week­end for me to attend Drag­onCon.  I am look­ing for­ward to this.  I could real­ly use a good four-day peri­od of fun.


Late­ly I have been hav­ing a recur­ring dream.  Actu­al­ly, it’s not the same dream, but it’s dream after dream after dream all fea­tur­ing the same sort of event.  In these dreams, I’m dri­ving my car and I run a red light.  Each time I do this, an acci­dent occurs.  Some­times the acci­dent involves my car and anoth­er, some­times only my car is involved (hit­ting a pole or run­ning off the road), and some­times only anoth­er car is involved.

I have no idea what this means and why I’m hav­ing this sort of dreams.  I am a care­ful dri­ver and I do not run red lights. 

That’s not true:  I DO have an idea of why I might be hav­ing these dreams.  In March my car was hit by some­one who ran a red light.  The dam­age was mere­ly cos­met­ic and no one was hurt, so I didn’t think much about it.  I am won­der­ing now if per­haps this has some­thing to do with the dreams.


Since get­ting some dis­turb­ing news from a friend, I’ve been doing a lot of think­ing about the peo­ple in my life.  As I tend to have moments of deep intro­spec­tion, this has been some intense thought. I’ve been look­ing at the peo­ple who are tru­ly impor­tant to me and the places they hold in my life.

Karl — my old­est friend and the per­son with whom I am clos­er than any­one else. It’s odd that he and I would have ever become friends, because the set­ting in which we orig­i­nal­ly met was not con­ducive to our ever get­ting to tru­ly know one anoth­er, and cer­tain­ly not con­ducive to build­ing a strong bond of friendship. Yet we did, and that friend­ship has been of the most impor­tant in my life.

Sam and Cyn — family. My friend­ship with this cou­ple is com­fort­able and reliable. These peo­ple are fam­i­ly, be we genet­i­cal­ly relat­ed or not.  I can’t imag­ine not hav­ing them in my life. I don’t get to see them as much as I would like, but I know they are always there for me.Â

Rick and Eliz­a­beth — fam­i­ly of a dif­fer­ent sort. One is the sib­ling you hat­ed in child­hood and love as adults. The oth­er is the strange cousin you fight with when you’re togeth­er, apol­o­gize to imme­di­ate­ly, and miss when you don’t see one anoth­er.

David and Chad — I start­ed out as friends with David. We have almost every­thing in com­mon; we even come from the same small town. He is one of the dear­est peo­ple I know. His hus­band Chad became my friend just because he was with David. That didn’t last. Though we have lit­tle in com­mon, we found that we real­ly like one another. I know I can count on both of these friends no mat­ter what.

Kei­th — I’ve only known Kei­th for less than two years, but in that time he has become one of the most impor­tant peo­ple to ever enter my life. Not only do I like him and enjoy spend­ing time with him, but I have no doubts of my abil­i­ty to count on him. This some­one I know would nev­er will­ing­ly or know­ing­ly do any­thing against my best inter­ests.

I some­times can’t believe how amaz­ing­ly for­tu­nate I am to have these peo­ple in my life. Now.…if only things can be worked out so that we don’t lose one of them.



I still exist

I real­ly need to work on keep­ing this blog more cur­rent! I’m going to try. No promis­es oth­er than that I’ll do what I can. (Not that many peo­ple read this thing, so most of this is direct­ed toward myself.)

Lots has been hap­pen­ing late­ly, most of it insane. <g> My job con­tin­ues to be far too much stress and respon­si­bil­i­ty for far too lit­tle mon­ey. My work on ADF’s Cler­gy Train­ing Pro­gram is going much slow­er than I would like…but still faster than what oth­er peo­ple are doing. I guess I con­tin­ue to expect too much of myself.

In a cou­ple of weeks I will be fly­ing to Cal­i­for­nia to vis­it my friend Karl. We haven’t seen one anoth­er in sev­er­al years, although we talk three or four times a week. (Being on the same cel­lu­lar net­work has its advan­tages!)

Okay…just got some bad news, not sure how to react to it. I’ll post more lat­er.


I just spoke with my doc­tor.  It turns out that the tests I thought I was going to have to have — based on the results I got yes­ter­day — do not need to be done.  The let­ter was mere­ly bad­ly phrased and he was rec­om­mend­ing that I fol­low up with rou­tine test­ing.  Noth­ing spe­cial is need­ed.

The ambi­gu­i­ty on the results was — as my doc­tor put it — due to the fact that I am a “walk­ing vio­la­tion of the laws of prob­a­bilty.”